Monday, January 9, 2012

Pain in the ass... Hemorrhoids and exacerbation

Seems like with each of the last couple exacerbations I have ended up with internal hemorrhoids. The last few days I have had blood in my shit. Same thing happened earlier this year with the last exacerbation. I have bowel issues, getting a little constipated, and then see blood in the shit.
My bowels had gotten down to about a movement every few days in the two weeks, and no movements while I was actually having the exacerbation. Went about a week with no movement, then they just started moving properly with no assistance with medication or diet changes. I already stick to a high fiber diet.
The last time I had the hemorrhoids the movements were very painful. This time, the bowel movements really are not painful but I can feel it when they they must be passing by the hemorrhoid.
I will give this another couple days before I contact my doctor. The last bout with these I called no one. I told my neurologist about them after a month later or so during a regular visit.

Previously I had researched the blood in the shit and it wasn't until I specifically searched for hemorrhoids and multiple sclerosis before I found that there is a link for some people.
Initial research points to colon cancer, which my feelings are the same now as it was then, I wish it was.
Its a morbid thought, but I have it. As offensively rude and insensitive as it is for me to say (and have said before), I would welcome cancer. Cancer would be a way out of this mess that my life is without taking it myself. Its a painful and shitty way to go, but at least for my family's sake, it was out of my control.
I have a post drafted and have not published yet that covers thoughts regarding my life. I have been waiting until after my next psychologist appointment to go over these thoughts with her first before I publish.
They are alarming thoughts and ideas that I think, would normally get someone locked up in a padded room, so I will keep them to myself for the time being. And its possible these thoughts written will change over time. I certainly hope they will.

Anyways, thought I would get this nasty little post out of the way. Red shit, red water, and red toilet paper should be a um, red flag for anyone to get in touch with their doctor asap. I will give this one some time. Too much pride? Probably, but I just don't care. With MS, I have learned to not call a doctor every day I have a problem. They will come and go, just as we will.

Roll Tide


  1. Hemorrhoids is not a pleasant thing. I know. But quite normal. I hope you will contact your doctor soon. And I hope you will talk to your psychologist soon too. I believe you are right, writing down thoughts and talking to her about it will probable help. Make it easier to change them.
    I hope you will be better soon.
    I am thinking of you. You know that, right?

  2. And of course, you can write anything in here. I am quite sure there are other people with similar thoughts, and maybe it will be good for them as well to see they are not alone in feeling that way.
    Take care my friend!
    A very big hug from me