Monday, February 11, 2013

Update 2/11

The on call neurologist at the practice where my specialist is, fit me into an appointment late in the week.
This piece of shit was something else. We started out by going over drug history. Went into detail of my issues/experience with Rebif and discussed Gilenya.

He kept leaving the room for 10-15 minutes at a time. I could hear him coming in and out of rooms down the hallway.
He proceeded to lecture me on how bad marijuana is and that I have to be on a DMD.
He followed up with informing me what my fucking options were... he started telling me about a fucking drug called Rebif!!! and then talked to me about Gilenya as an alternative to injections (!!!!). I could have hit him.. wasting my fucking time, he didn't listen to a fucking word I said. There were a couple more issues that I don't feel like going into the mundane details. It was a shit visit with shit doctor.

He said that I should be on steroids asap but before he could prescribe IV/oral I would have to do the blood work..
Since I am a mental case pussy piece of shit, I almost passed out and had to pull the fucking plug. The needle phobia is still very much there.
I fucking hate myself.

Without the blood work he wouldn't start me on any steroids. On top of that they canceled my April appointment to see the specialist stating that I could not see more than one doctor there. Well no shit, I only saw this prick in the emergency. The two doctors have to sign off on a patient transfer. Have not heard back yet about getting rescheduled with the MS Specialist.

I walked out of that place at my lowest.
I called my old neurologist and notified them of the situation and to see if I could get an oral steroid script.
The office called back the next day after 6pm, I was forgotten, but a PA remembered me on the ride home.
Got my script called in and started yet another round of Prednisone.

Each round/tapper on Prednisone has been different . The first couple times it seemed to really help, last few, not so much.
This time it's making me a bit drowsy. Makes my stomach upset for a few hours and leaves me feeling hungry (taken with food as directed).

Two days into Prednisone and I can now move a few toes on my left foot where I couldn't before. I hope that is a sign of being on the upswing. Time will tell...

I had not informed my family about recent exacerbation but I told them this week. I got shit for that.
I confided in my sister more than I ever had about this shit..I created an updated timeline for the doctors and she asked for a copy which I provided (
She was upset that she didn't know about most of the issues because I had kept to myself but says she understands. She knows who I am and how I have always been. Lack of transparency is not a surprise.

I have to figure out this blood work bullshit. I have to get it done. Man up you dumb fuck.
I have been drinking this week. Bouncing between whiskey and rum. I am in so much pain, and I just want to take it down a notch. I have no drugs for pain and no pot to smoke. No relief and the liquor is the best I can do.
Drinking here and there but only a couple consecutive nights. I dislike it enough to know this will not be an issue.


Friday, February 1, 2013


While I was driving to the MS dinner, there was a very loud pop sound, quickly looked around... my back window shattered... what in the fuck...
I thought 'Fuck it! I gotta go to his dinner', less than a minute later, I hit a bump and a quarter of it fell...massive rain storm outside so I have to return home... I commenced to cussing and turning the car around, less than a minute after that, another bump and the rest falls...

I really needed that dinner. I needed to meet my future neurologist and discuss my situation. I needed to ask a few fellow MS'ers about cannabis. I needed to be around my fucking counterparts for a couple fucking hours... I needed to be there...

Since I didn't make the meeting, I called my old neurologist to see what they could do. Other than asking for a doctor referral, I have tried to not involve them. He called me back, we discussed issues, and he wants me on 5 day taper of Solu-Medrol immediately. Because no one in the history of this country has ever traveled or gotten sick while traveling, my doctor is not authorized to order the steroids in another state... My future neurologist here is off today. Old doctor spoke with the on-call doctor here and he would not sign off on it until they saw me. He will however try to get me a sooner appointment, don't know yet how sooner. Could be days/weeks or that fuckface only shaves off two days... don't know. They said ER is my only immediate option. (even with insurance that started today, I cannot afford ER)

The gf is talking about leaving now. I think shit just got too real for her.
I wonder if she found this blog. She said things recently I know I have said about her only here. It could just be that she views the relationship exactly as I do, and as described here.

Tell me it could be worse. Tell me its going to be better. I want someone to look me in the fucking eyes and say that shit to my face.