My Neurologist recommended an antidepressant about a month ago. He started me with Celexa but it quickly caused constipation. Then I was switched to Wellbutrin XL 150mg taken once a day first thing in the morning. At the time I started Wellbutrin, I was going through alot of personal stuff, hence the antidepressants. I found myself having a hard time going to sleep, and when I would, quickly waking up and the mind would run for hours. Eventually it all would meld into long sleepless nights. Watching every hour pass.
This whole time I am thinking that I am having some kind of mental break down, the way 2011 happened, that I had reached my mental meltdown point and was self destructing.
I took 15 Wellbutrins. One a day. 20 nights were fucked.
While talking to my sister, she stated that she had an immediate bad reaction to Wellbutrin which included insomnia. The light bulb went on, really took a while to find the switch. I never took Wellbutrin again. It took about 5 nights for the sleeping to get better.
I had an exacerbation that I think was rooted from the lost sleep and body shutting down.
Pain from spasms in my back and legs left them barely functional. Heavy spasms in the face and extremities.
Saw my chiropractor for the back before calling neuro. He could feel the spasms in my back where I couldn't due to the pain. Tried cold laser therapy which did nothing. He offered accupuncture and I agreed but in less than a minute I was covered in sweat and lost my color.
Extremely poor bowel and bladder function/control. Most painful experience to date with MS.
About 2-3 days into steroids things started settling down.
On the third day of the exacerbation I was able to obtain some hash, and I feel like I was making a faster recovery at that time. How much? We will never know.
I got a general practice doctor last week. I had not seen a general practitioner in nearly 14 years.
He is a nice guy, a young doctor. Seems intelligent. He said he didn't know what Gilenya was before coming in to see me so he looked it up before hand. He sought out knowledge about his patient.
We discussed the anxiety issues. As I have mentioned, I believe I have developed a needle phobia likely from Rebif.
He has put me on Ativan 0.5mg twice a day. I really feel no different on this stuff. And this is supposed to have an immediate affect. Smoking some pot has the immediate affect. My muscle relaxer, pain killer, antidepressant, all from a little plant.
I am going to give Ativan until the end of the prescription to show me something, otherwise I will drop it.
I really would like to cut back on the medications taken daily. Ideally just Gilenya and a few vitamins.
That's where I would like to be.
Showing posts with label wellbutrin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wellbutrin. Show all posts
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2011 Recap
I had written a long recount of how my life changed new years day last year, writing it was painful, and I felt like I was taking a step backwards from moving into a new year so I cleared every word.
I will instead just run down quickly how 2011 went down as the worst year I have survived.
-New Years Day 2011. Girlfriend is "out having drinks with the girls". Accidentally calls my phone to reveal she is alone with a guy. In the following days I obtain information that she is having an affair.
-Quickly double vision affects me. After a month of waiting it out, I see an Ophthalmologist. MRI are ordered. (Optic Neuritis lasted approx 5 months)
-Received call from Ophthalmologist and was informed I have MS, over the phone.
-Within a month, met with a neurologist who prescribed Rebif.
-Started treatment on Rebif. Immediately encountered side affects and site reactions.
-After 3+ months of Rebif and two exacerbation's, made the decision to remove myself from the medication.
-Neurologist agreed with my request to switch to Gilenya. Did all pretests and deemed an acceptable patient for Gilenya. Felt immediate relief from switch of medications. Although constipation arrived as a possible withdrawal issue from Rebif.
-In July the fighting with the girlfriend was at a boiling point. She moved to her parents in another state for about a month. Even after I told her I needed more time, she arrived back on her own. But as a lonely piece of shit, I did not refuse delivery.
-In November I lost my dog to cancer. It was a sudden and very hurtful lost. She was truly a special thing in my life.
-Shock of her death caused two major anxiety/panic attacks. Suffered complete lock up, could not move hands/arms/legs and could not talk. Each lasted about 45+ minutes. First wore off in ER and walked out, and the second at home.
-Trivial but, my car could not pass the state vehicle inspection due to the tint (which is legal in the state it came from). Had to remove nice tint. Less than two weeks later the car is hit in a parking lot. No note left, just a fuck you dent.
-Insomnia that lasted about three weeks due to Wellbutrin. Took a while to figure out the link between the two, and then get the sleep back after quitting.
-One more exacerbation to let me make sure I never forget 2011. It kicked me in the balls and stood on my back for over a week. The pain made its way to my legs causing alot of difficulty walking. Bowel and bladder issues got bad. I started Predisone steroids and gradually got better.
-And just to be annoyed, leading into the new year four people said they could acquire some cannabis for me to medicate, and it all fell through. I am left with pills and more pills to get right.
All I can do is try and make 2012 a better year, but I don't know what to do. I didn't bring 2011 on myself. There was plenty bullshit that happened that was simply out of my control.
I have many voids in my life right now I need to fill somehow. The love I had for my girlfriend died long ago and I poured even more love in to my dog who returned it unconditionally. But with her passing I am left with all of this love to give and I don't think She deserves it.
There is no "I love you", no hugging or kissing. We are roommates that sleep in the same bed and occasionally have sex.
The dog was the last bit of glue that held us together, now that she is gone, I am left asking why do we bother trying to work it out together. There is so much resentment and the bad times have overshadowed the good times.
I found myself standing out in the snow tonight wishing I could jump ahead 30 years or what ever it takes just so I could out live my parents and grandparents. Just long enough that they don't have to see me go.
I care to see them around more than I do myself.
I will instead just run down quickly how 2011 went down as the worst year I have survived.
-New Years Day 2011. Girlfriend is "out having drinks with the girls". Accidentally calls my phone to reveal she is alone with a guy. In the following days I obtain information that she is having an affair.
-Quickly double vision affects me. After a month of waiting it out, I see an Ophthalmologist. MRI are ordered. (Optic Neuritis lasted approx 5 months)
-Received call from Ophthalmologist and was informed I have MS, over the phone.
-Within a month, met with a neurologist who prescribed Rebif.
-Started treatment on Rebif. Immediately encountered side affects and site reactions.
-After 3+ months of Rebif and two exacerbation's, made the decision to remove myself from the medication.
-Neurologist agreed with my request to switch to Gilenya. Did all pretests and deemed an acceptable patient for Gilenya. Felt immediate relief from switch of medications. Although constipation arrived as a possible withdrawal issue from Rebif.
-In July the fighting with the girlfriend was at a boiling point. She moved to her parents in another state for about a month. Even after I told her I needed more time, she arrived back on her own. But as a lonely piece of shit, I did not refuse delivery.
-In November I lost my dog to cancer. It was a sudden and very hurtful lost. She was truly a special thing in my life.
-Shock of her death caused two major anxiety/panic attacks. Suffered complete lock up, could not move hands/arms/legs and could not talk. Each lasted about 45+ minutes. First wore off in ER and walked out, and the second at home.
-Trivial but, my car could not pass the state vehicle inspection due to the tint (which is legal in the state it came from). Had to remove nice tint. Less than two weeks later the car is hit in a parking lot. No note left, just a fuck you dent.
-Insomnia that lasted about three weeks due to Wellbutrin. Took a while to figure out the link between the two, and then get the sleep back after quitting.
-One more exacerbation to let me make sure I never forget 2011. It kicked me in the balls and stood on my back for over a week. The pain made its way to my legs causing alot of difficulty walking. Bowel and bladder issues got bad. I started Predisone steroids and gradually got better.
-And just to be annoyed, leading into the new year four people said they could acquire some cannabis for me to medicate, and it all fell through. I am left with pills and more pills to get right.
All I can do is try and make 2012 a better year, but I don't know what to do. I didn't bring 2011 on myself. There was plenty bullshit that happened that was simply out of my control.
I have many voids in my life right now I need to fill somehow. The love I had for my girlfriend died long ago and I poured even more love in to my dog who returned it unconditionally. But with her passing I am left with all of this love to give and I don't think She deserves it.
There is no "I love you", no hugging or kissing. We are roommates that sleep in the same bed and occasionally have sex.
The dog was the last bit of glue that held us together, now that she is gone, I am left asking why do we bother trying to work it out together. There is so much resentment and the bad times have overshadowed the good times.
I found myself standing out in the snow tonight wishing I could jump ahead 30 years or what ever it takes just so I could out live my parents and grandparents. Just long enough that they don't have to see me go.
I care to see them around more than I do myself.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Update 12/29
Finally getting some sleep. Not a full night but getting through most of it. I am positive that Wellbutrin was fucking me up and causing the insomnia. I am gradually getting better. Back is not as bad, still some residual soreness. Seems like I am feeling spasms in my back more now. Nearly all leg pain from this exacerbation is gone.
I got my hands on one single joint a few days ago, busted it up into thirds and made it last three days. I would smoke a little before going to bed. Helped get me to sleep faster.
My dad is visiting, which has been nice. Enjoy hanging out with him. Having some good laughs and just taking it easy.
That's all I have for now. I plan on a shitty year in review type recap to cover the bullshit that was 2011.
I got my hands on one single joint a few days ago, busted it up into thirds and made it last three days. I would smoke a little before going to bed. Helped get me to sleep faster.
My dad is visiting, which has been nice. Enjoy hanging out with him. Having some good laughs and just taking it easy.
That's all I have for now. I plan on a shitty year in review type recap to cover the bullshit that was 2011.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Update 12/25
Feel like I am slowly getting better. Steroids appear to be taking affect but has taken a few days. The pain pills were barely working, and they certainly were not helping me sleep.
While talking to my sister yesterday, she said that she was on Wellbutrin at one time and within a day she developed insomnia. The light bulb went off and I put together that I haven't been sleeping for about as long as I have been on that shit. I stopped taking the medication today so we will see how that goes.
I did get more sleep last night than I have in weeks. I still kept waking up because of the pain and discomfort, but overall felt like I got some sleep. Feeling decent in the head for the first time in a while.
Still having issues with bladder and bowels. Found its best to sit and pee like a girl to get any decent stream of piss out, otherwise standing up it barely trickles out.
Also had trouble ejaculating. Girlfriend gave a bj that lasted about ten minutes when it never takes that long, I eventually told her it just wouldn't happen. So that's a bit of a bummer, don't have trouble getting it up, just getting off. Seems to have lost some sensitivity.
My dad should be arriving tomorrow evening, and I cannot wait. Looking forward to the visit. I hope the weather is nice for his visit so we can have some fires and hang outside.
Hope everyone is having a nice Christmas.
While talking to my sister yesterday, she said that she was on Wellbutrin at one time and within a day she developed insomnia. The light bulb went off and I put together that I haven't been sleeping for about as long as I have been on that shit. I stopped taking the medication today so we will see how that goes.
I did get more sleep last night than I have in weeks. I still kept waking up because of the pain and discomfort, but overall felt like I got some sleep. Feeling decent in the head for the first time in a while.
Still having issues with bladder and bowels. Found its best to sit and pee like a girl to get any decent stream of piss out, otherwise standing up it barely trickles out.
Also had trouble ejaculating. Girlfriend gave a bj that lasted about ten minutes when it never takes that long, I eventually told her it just wouldn't happen. So that's a bit of a bummer, don't have trouble getting it up, just getting off. Seems to have lost some sensitivity.
My dad should be arriving tomorrow evening, and I cannot wait. Looking forward to the visit. I hope the weather is nice for his visit so we can have some fires and hang outside.
Hope everyone is having a nice Christmas.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)