Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Here we go...

Well it didn't take long for the bullshit to start in 2012. Water pipes froze and we were left with no water for almost two days. Finally got them thawed out and water flowing again. Just another thing to fuck with me.
I have spent a lot of my life camping in my free time so doing without certain "luxuries" is not a problem, but when you are in your own home, you expect running water.
With my bladder issues, when I have to go, I have to go and it was a bit awkward to keep running outside to take a piss. In the winter you can see the neighbors, the trees are thinned out. In the summer you can walk around in the nude if you please since there is so much wooded area, you forget anyone lives nearby.

I got a little upset today, mostly at myself because a old friend from where I used to live was in my area with his family for a week. They were minutes from me skiing and all that. We exchanged some emails during the week he was here, planning to catch up but it never happened. I called him today and he explained that they headed back a couple days earlier than expected and that he was sorry we didn't get to meet up. The kind of upsetting thing is, he got married while he was here. I have known him for about 15 years. We would hang out or have lunch together at least once a week, we went camping together countless times. He is one of the only friends I have from there that knows about the MS.
The idea that not only did he not have a few minutes for us to hang out, but didn't think to invite me to his wedding made me think of what kind of person I have been, and how people perceive me as their friend.
I know I should consider that a wedding for most can be a very intimate thing where only immediate family (if any) are invited.
I think it was the combination of not getting to visit and the wedding that upset me a little. I think you must sprinkle in a little bit of everything else too. I have no friends here anymore. The one I had here recently moved. So its a complete total of everything that has nothing to do with him that bothered me.
Anyways, I am happy for him. He was divorced a couple years back from a wife that was running around on him while they had two kids. He found a nice lady that also was divorced and had two of her own, so he has a nice house full now.
Also, one of my co-workers that I have known for 15+ years and would spend time with outside work was also in my area this week but we didn't get to meet up. He did call me to let me know he was up here, but we didn't discuss or make any plans to meet.

I know I shouldn't be hard on myself, but it all made me wonder why I don't currently have friends, and the ones I had don't make any effort to reach out and spend any time with me.
Next time I return to my old town I will make an effort to contact people and visit them.
I have made two trips to that town since I moved but both were quick weekend trips to visit my ailing grandfather. Both trips combined for 5 days total there and it was all spent with family.

I am going to try and change the friend thing. I need to talk to someone other than a doctor (who I pay), a girlfriend/roommate, or this blog. With winter here it is going to make it a little harder. I am looking forward to summer since baseball is in season and I could always try to meet some people at a game or at a bar watching a game.

Just wanted to note, while I haven't had any pot in a long time other than a joint I got, I did get some hash which is basically a concentrate of marijuana, and that has made me feel pretty good. Takes care of pain, spasms, and helps get me to sleep. Going to be out of it soon. I keep getting told today its going to happen. All of this bullshit trying to acquire the stuff makes me want to move to a decriminalized state asap.


  1. I am happy for you! Because you are going to change the friend thing:) Of course it hurts not to be invited, included etc. It hurts when you are not depressed or anything like that. And so it hurts even more when you are feeling bad and without much of a social life. However they probable felt the same way when you left. But it seems like you had a reason to do it, which they don`t know about. Such things happen, and they can be changed. It seems like you are going too change it:)
    And your co-worker called you! I am quite sure he wanted to meet you. Why else would he call? He probable waited for you to suggest it!
    I am very glad the hash is helping you!!

  2. How do you feel? 1-10?
    1= terrible 10= excellent

  3. I would say 3 today. 5 or 6 after medicating.

  4. 5-6 is good! How does that madication work?

  5. The medication works by getting me high. The pills the doctors have me on cause no immediate relief. Its the cannabis that seems to make me feel the best.