Friday, December 23, 2011

Update 12/23

Another night, and no sleep. No sleep at all. I watched every hour change from 9pm to 6am this morning and I finally had to just get up, couldn't lay in bed any longer.
The back pain still persists, and it spread to my legs, making even more difficult to walk. I can't describe the feeling having to take 8 pills (4 Prednisone). Its depressing.
I called the neurologist yesterday morning around 9am because I got less than an hour of sleep that night. I left a message requesting something to immediately ease my pain. I have never taken pain pills but I was in dire need.
I went all day waiting for a call back. I called them at 4:30pm and the fucking emergency answering service picks up, the office had already switched the phones over. I did not leave a message with them.
At this point I am upset, cussing up a storm. "I can't fucking believe they would treat a patient like this" and on and on. Since they are closed on Friday and Monday I am thinking I am stuck with this pain. I am already planning on going to the liquor store and getting a bottle of whiskey to drink myself asleep, which I know would be dangerous with the medications I am on, but I am desperate (and I don't drink).
My doctor calls at 5:30pm, finally!! We discuss the issue, and I told him flat out that I needed something for the pain and that I haven't been sleeping, the whole thing. He prescribes me Vicodin (Hydrocodon-Acetaminophin). This is not really what I had in mind but its something. I don't know much about pain pills but I know these are a milder pill.
I told him I am heading to the pharmacy right now. I get to the pharmacy and they haven't received the script yet. (I live 10 minutes away) 15 minutes pass and it finally arrives. The prescription has a digital signature on it and they won't accept it. WHAT THE FUCK?! So I have to call the doctor office, leave a message with the emergency call back service, for him to call me back. They wont take the pharmacy number so he can call directly. He calls me back in about 10 minutes. Told him they wouldn't take the digital and that he would need to call it in. Right after we hang up, I hear an automated "Call for pharmacy". Within a few minutes I hear this multiple times. I waited about 20 minutes before I gimp over to counter to ask if my doctor called, they say no, but one guy speaks up and says "oh but there is a voicemail". It was my doctor, and he did call 20 minutes earlier. You dumb motherfuckers... The tech rambles on shit about the milligrams and everything, I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and that I have never taken them before. He had a surprised look on his face and said "oh really?" Yeah dickhead, you have my script record right in front of you.
Maybe I was just cranky from the pain or lost of sleep, but I felt like I was treated like your run of the mill young dope head that talked his doctor into pain pills.
So a simple trip to pharmacy took an hour. With no sleep and barely able to walk, I was not happy.

The Vicodin doesn't seem to do much. When I finish work today I will take a couple of them, maybe three so I can hopefully get knocked out and sleep some. Tried to get some pot all week but everything fell through. Giving it one last go this afternoon, otherwise I will have to wait until Monday, when I have some pot and hash on the way, and that's a near guarantee. For some reason I feel like it is my key to getting to sleep. When I had it on a regular basis I could always smoke a little before going to bed and sleep like a baby.
I can drive 2 hours to visit a friend to get some, but I don't think I can comfortably sit in a car for 2 hours each way. The pain would not be worth it.
I really wish I had some smoke for the holidays. They are tough enough as it is with everything that's happened this year. When I smoke I can think at the pace I want to or need to, but what helps is having the ability to slow down my thinking. My brain seems like it does't have to be in overdrive. A sober me thinks way too much and about the wrong things.

I am unable to see my psychologist for the next couple weeks, I was supposed to see her yesterday, but her husband who has cancer has taken a turn for the worse and is in hospice now. At times I feel like I really need to talk to her, but I will survive. My problems with either be here or wont when she is ready to see me, unfortunately her's may not be.

Not sure if I will post much over the holiday weekend. Might throw up an update. We will see.


  1. My god!! Bad luck all the way!!
    Could you get your girlfriend to drive to your friend and get the pot? Or can he drive to you? Maybe they could meet on the half-way!And can you get some other and stronger pain killers? There should be some doctor or someone you could see....And they should be there now! Not over the weekend!
    I hope the steroids will work soon. They must! I am so very sorry you have to go through all this!!
    Thank you for writing. I will be thinking of you. Even if you don`t write for a while.

    Your friend

  2. and something else. I really like you. You are a good person, and I am really glad that I get to know you. Even your hidden thoughts.
    You. Are. A. Good. Person! Ok?