Friday, December 2, 2011

Update 12/2

I was pulled off all medications except for Gilenya. They started to tell me to take more Zanaflex because I have quickly grown a tolerance, but it was decided that I shouldn't take it until things start to return to "normal". So I will go back to waking up with spasms and staying up for a while. I'm already used to my daytime discomfort because I don't take anything during the day for spasms.
I was prescribed Wellbutrin (Bupropion). Its a anti-depressant. I will not be taking it until things get right internally.

I fear that m Optic Neuritis may be coming back, which was double vision earlier this year for 5 months. My vision has been a little blurry the last few days and my eyes are bothering me. This is the same pattern when it hit me before. I really do not want to live with the double vision again. It was one of the worst periods of my life. The first time I had it, the gf was running around on me, I had a list of physical issues that I didn't know were MS. I couldn't drive. I could barely walk because of the vertigo that came with the double vision.

I do not fear death, but I do fear living disabled.

On top of all this bullshit, my company had payroll issues and I still have not been paid yet. My dog's surgeries/death cost me several thousand dollars and wiped out my savings. Checks are starting to bounce. I canceled today's doctor appointment because I cannot afford the copay.
I really do not need this shit right now.


  1. You will be better. I am sure!!
    Did they tell you to wait with the anti-depressant? Or did you decide that for yourself? Do they know that you really need them now?
    Be patient! Things will improve!
    Keep writing!
    Hugs and hugs - K

  2. I told them before they could say anything that I was going to wait on starting the new med until my bowels were back to normal, and the doctor agreed.
    Nearly all anti-depressants take 1-4 weeks before they take affect so waiting another couple days or another week before I start it will not have that much of an impact. My inability to take a shit has a bit to do with my attitude.

  3. "My inability to take a shit has a bit to do with my attitude." No comprendo, amigo. Take a shit? That means you can justchange your attitude?
    Hope your bowels will be fine soon!

  4. "My inability to take a shit has a bit to do with my attitude."
    That kind of means, this constipated, bloated, shitty feeling has some to do with my bad attitude, my bad outlook on things currently. It adds to my discomfort of daily life.
    A constant reminder that I am fucked up.

  5. Life sucks sometimes! But I am your constant reminder that it gets better!;)
    Thinking of you!