Monday, December 19, 2011

Update 12/19

Holy shit that christmas party was boring. There was a few hundred people there, but none of the younger people my girlfriend works with showed up. So we were stuck sitting at a table with old people that chat about the weather and other nonsense. My girlfriend and I were a little over dressed. She planned her outfit a week in advance, bought a nice dress, shoes, the whole thing. She was dressed to impress, but none of her regular co-workers showed up. I had to dress nicer than I normally would to keep up. We lasted less than an hour there.
Oh well, I did my part, shook hands and laughed at stupid unfunny jokes.

I increased my sleeping to about 6 hours last night, I hope I am getting this turned around. I started sleeping in my regular bed, but after an hour of not being able to sleep, I grabbed my pillow and went to the guest room. The bed is a little more comfortable in there. My bed is old and was a hand-me-down from my parents, don't know how long they had it before me. I am well past due for a new bed, but cannot afford one right now.

I got really pissed at work today, I wont go into too many details but basically they are starting to pay people for work that I have been doing for 10 years with no extra pay, and they start this shit after I move. I used the word "reparations" when expressing my issue with this, its probably too strong for this situation, but they got the point. I have worked for the same company for 12 years and counting, the part that pissed me off really wasn't the past work I have done, but I asked to take on the future work so I could make extra money, and I was told that it may upset the employees there since I would take away from their ability to make more.. Is that how an employee that has been with the company since it started is treated? When I started, there was only 5 employees total, now there is over 50. I have played an important part in building this company. I worked weekends and holidays for years to keep things going. I actually had clients cry when I told them I was moving, some have told me I am a reason they use our company (which I HATED to hear) and continue to get clients asking when I will be down there again to visit them.
All these years, regardless of how important I was told I was, I never grew any sense of entitlement. I never grew a big head like other employees have after working there for a year.
That said, I will not make a big deal about this, I will continue to do my job.

Waiting to hear from my Dad if he will come visit the week after christmas. I hope he does, I miss hanging out with him. He likes to hang out by a fire like I do, so yesterday I beat myself up a bit with all of that wood cutting incase he comes to visit, we will have alot of wood to burn. Anytime he has visited we usually hang out by the fire pit, smoke some joints and chat.

I forgot to mention, when I was hanging out by the fire yesterday, it was hard to not get upset. It was the first fire I had since my dog died, and when she was around, she would always hang out down there with me. If you went outside, she wanted to be outside.
To get a mental picture of the setup, the back of the property goes down a little on a slope. There is a wood deck where it levels out, and a few feet past the desk is a big fire pit made of stones that were found around the property that make a roughly 5 foot wide pit. Beyond that is a wooded area.
She always sat next to me on the deck, sometimes getting up to sniff around or chase a squirrel.
It's been hard because she was involved in nearly all facets of my life, even something as simple as sitting by a fire...

(this is where I go to let my mind run off)


  1. There are a lot of things here I would have written and commented on. But I am not so often at the computer these days, so I won`t be able to write so much.

    I also hope your dad comes to visit you. It must be nice to have such a good relationship with your dad. I also like sitting by the fire. People should do that more often:) Here we usually do that only during summer. But you describe it all so well I can imagine you and your dad by the fire. And your dear missing dog. Althoug it hurt a lot now, I hope all your good memories will bring you comfort at some point. I am really, really sorry for your loss!

    I will be reading and saying "hello" although I am not here so often.....
    All the very best

  2. Thank you for reading and the comment. I don't expect a comment on every post. This blog is more of a journal for me to look on in the future. I can see how I felt and all that. Look back on the type of asshole I became, hopefully I am not the same person in the future.
    I must admit I have grown a type of love for the people that visit and comment on a regular basis. Very thoughtful and caring people

    Thank you all.

  3. I know you don`t expect it, but I feel privileged to reed and write here. You are NOT an asshole. No way!!:)

  4. I feel like I used to be much nicer. Just feel like an asshole. My attitude has turned very sour over the way things have turned out.
    Just the way it is now. I do hope it will eventually change.

  5. You're not an asshole. You're just someone having a really hard time.

    I hope your Dad makes it over to visit. X

  6. Oh...You are lucky to have such a place! Nice photo.
    Of course your attitude will change. It`s just that you have been through too many terrible things in a short time. It will change:)