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For most of my life outside childhood, I had lived by my own judgment. I thought of myself as a progressive thinker, not a sheep and not the status quo of "normal". Right now I would give anything to wake up "normal".
Had a visit with my psychologist yesterday, and she confirmed I am clinically depressed and she thinks it's time for anti-depressants. While I have always been against using them, I have learned to accept the fact that I need them. I need them just like I need Gilenya or Zanaflex. It's just another bullshit thing I'm putting in my body that comes with its own two page list of side effects.
I have a neurologist visit today and will talk to them about the anti-depressants.
Last night my girlfriend went out with some new coworkers to some music event. I asked that she don't drink so she can safely get home. Reminded her that believe it or not, you can have a good time without drinking.
She drove herself home, and arrived drunk. She says she only had 4 beers, in a 3 hour period. Doing the calculations she would have been around .096 (.08 is the legal limit). And if she says she had 4, then she had 5 or 6. The same shit happened last winter, she was drinking a lot and driving, and ended up fucking some loser. I feel like its repeating itself and I will be quick to deal with it. Last winter I dealt with my biggest exacerbation with the double vision and I feel like I'm going through the same thing again.
Some things are going to change around here, they have to.
I'll post an update later or tomorrow after neuro visit.
I think something has to give. You could be doing with her support for now. Not having to worry how much she'll drink, whether she'll break the law or your heart again. You need someone to be there for you. In my opinion it takes a strong person to admit (or agree) to help regarding depression. It's not a sign of weakness, it's just a sign you've been having to be strong too long. Good luck with the appt! X
ReplyDeleteSe sounds like the kind of person you don`t need right now! Don`t really know what to write, but just want you to know that I am reading. Sending you my best wishes and warm thoughts!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and for the comments.
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