Tuesday, November 15, 2011


I miss getting to hang out with my dad.
He worked a lot when I was growing up so I really don't have fond memories of playing catch or any shit like that.
I always remember that he would only get involved really when my mom would bitch so much he was tired of hearing her and would then get on to us.
He had a stress related stroke when I was 15. He was unable to walk, and talk among other issues. I quit school and went to work to help out. In the meantime he went through rehab and slowly regained ability to walk/talk.
One of my better memories of that time was when Peter Frampton and Lynyrd Skynyrd came to town. A family friend had given us tickets to give my dad some drive to get right. The doctor cleared him to go to the show the day before the concert. I will always remember sitting in the nose bleeds and enjoying that concert with him. We would go on to see other acts in the future. He has since pretty much fully recovered from the stroke.
Through the years after the stroke he became a hard right republican. Him and I butted heads on nearly all political views. Bush was fucking the country world up and he refused to see what was not reported on Fox news.
I ended up moving out before I was 18, and that was the best thing I could have ever done.
My dad and I have never gotten along better. A couple years after moving out, we made a trip together to visit a family member in the hospital, we smoke pot the first time together on that trip. That seemed to knock down so many barriers. We even smoked in front of a state capitol building on that trip.. that was a nice memory.

My parents got divorced this year, but have been separated for a couple. After my dad lost his job due to the company he worked for going under, my mom started acting out. She would flip out quicker than normal, from what I gather she picked up wine drinking and pill popping. She started online relationships, and I don't know for sure but probably started running around on him. I tried to open up to him about the situation, and he talked to me about some of it, but I know he didn't disclose all of his feelings to me. This guy loved his wife of 26+ years and he would simply tell his kids that he was "ok". I can't be angry about how he decided to handle it... I have turned around and have done the same thing to them in regards to my MS.

After the separation he moved to another state to start fresh. He has since started dating a girl he dated in high school, she is also divorced. She is really nice and he seems happier than I have seen in years.
There are sayings about life and making circles...they are not bullshitting.
Since I moved I am 6 hours away instead of 15, but I don't get to travel much.
I miss just going over to see my dad whenever to hang out with him, maybe smoke a joint and bullshit.

When I told him that I had MS, he didn't know what it was. After I explained it he sounded like he was a little choked up even though I tried to spin it in the most positive light I could. He apologized for the shitty genes.
He came to visit while I was taking the Rebif. He insisted on watching me take an injection, he cringed when I injected and I could see the pain, concern, whatever the emotion in his face. It was a face on my dad I had never seen before. It's hard trying not to get upset about that thought. I hate MS for that.

Thought I would record these memories and thoughts about my dad.
I look forward to the next time I get to hang out with him while he tries to be funny and occasionally succeeds.


  1. Your Dad sounds cool. I'm glad you've had those nice times. For him, the worst thing, as a parent, is your child (regardless of age) getting ill. I know from experience. I hope you get some more chances to hang out with your Dad. I miss mines a lot, he passed 7 years ago. So if u can make it happen, then try! Time's precious, I hope you get to build some more memories together. :D

  2. Sorry to hear your dad is not with us anymore. Hearing stuff like that makes you think a little more and spurs one into action. I will make my best effort to visit with him before the new year (just saw him a couple weeks ago). In hindsight the 6 hours of discomfort driving is worth the visit...
    thanks for the comment.

  3. Thank you for that. Ooh 6 hours is a long time, even for people in the best of health, so I understand it won't be easy. Good you seen him recently too.:o)

    About time I introduced myself..I'm Jacqueline and I'm from Scotland. Nice to meet you!

  4. Good times. Hey, thanks for reading my blog. I like YOUR honesty too and I get wanting to stay 'out of sight.'

  5. Thanks for reading Diane, and thanks again for your writing.

    for everyone else, Diane's writing can be found in my blog list (A Stellarlife) or at http://dj-astellarlife.blogspot.com/