Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Update 7/24

My last grandfather passed away at 80 years old a couple weeks ago. He lived a good life and he was a good man. He taught me a lot of things and never got angry with me in all the time I spent with him.
Glad I made the trip to see him a month before he passed. While it was rough at the time, I look on it later and only focus on the time with him. Same will be thought of the trip I made for his memorial service. Both were 3 day trips and 1500 miles round trip.

I have been fucked up for a while now. I think going on nearly 2 full months of using a cane. Cannot keep my balance. Right leg wants to drag at times, more often as the day gets long. Difficulty getting in and out of chairs. Hands and feet are getting cramp spasms at times that cause them to curl in, really fucking painful. Getting 'the hug' and waves of pain. It goes on and on every day. Where is the 'remitting' part???
Yesterday I had what felt like three sets of hands grab my leg and pull it down. That has still left my leg muscles sore and aching.
It goes on, I know there's something big that I am forgetting (there's one). I called my neuro and we have played phone tag for a week now... I am assuming there is nothing he can do except offer me pills. I wont take them so the calls are for record purposes. If I have to file for disability at some point, there is a record of my demise decline.

I am moving to another state in the next month or so, the decision where, and the impending move has been very stressful. I know its not helping my body get right.
There is something that I had my heart set on doing while I lived here that I will not be able to do because of time and finances. It was something important enough to me, as a grown man it has brought tears to my eyes.
I am struggling to save every penny I can for moving. This will require that I go without cannabis for who knows how long. I wont know anyone in the new place to get anything, another thing to stress about.
At the moment, certain that I will not move to a medical marijuana state right now. I will probably hold tight where I go for a couple years and see if some other states here get their shit together, meanwhile living as the scum of society, a pothead piece of shit criminal who "needs" his "medicine"... fuck you (you know who you are).


  1. sending my love. Know it won`t change anything, but I am thinking of you. With my heart!

  2. Come to Seattle. We offer stuff besides pills. Our neuros offer pot and our state is voting soon to make it legal, baby. Cool weather, lots to do, buses everywhere, plenty of great people to room with. Bad News SPOILER ALERT: I have waited YEARS for some remissions. Ah, the fun that is M-fuckin-S.

    1. I used to have the desire for big cities (Seattle was one)when I was younger but I have grown to love the country. I love the peace and the daily wildlife. The downside is the isolation. This move may be into a city so I can reaffirm my hate for it, or find a love for it.

      There are many pros and cons to city life but stress is my main concern and I can feel a little more relaxed without someone else up/on my ass.

      Good to hear from ya Diane.