I do like music. In my teens I took pride in my four speaker setup (one in each corner) and collection of vinyl records. It consisted of all hand-me-down or free stuff. I loved listening to stuff like Led Zeppelin that would hit all four speakers. I got my hands on a quadraphonic version of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. That was a great album. Didn't own many cd's but I had/have a nice vinyl collection so most music was classic rock. Classic rock is my go to choice of music. It just sounds right to me.
Live Led Zeppelin is my favorite. I don't dance, but some live bluesy zep will always get the foot tapping or sometimes more boogie out of me.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Slept like a baby..
Got 2 medications yesterday that helped me get the best sleep I have had in a long time.
Doctor started me on Zanaflex (Tizanidine) to deal with the constant spasms.
Flexeril, Baclofen and others were just not cutting it. I took my first Zanaflex last night. Woke up a little sore but that could be a number of things. Stretched this morning to help alleviate that. The PA called me the other day to see if I wanted to try that and had quickly mentioned that I would be taking it at night but I didnt get all of the details. The paper I got with the meds had the following line:
"Start with one po qhs for 1 wk, then 2 po qhs for 1 wk, then may slowly increase by one pill as tolerated to 1-2 po tid."
What the fuck is po/qhs/tid?? I had to look it up to find its saying take it orally before bed and that I could increase to three times a day... Why didn't you fucking say so? I'm not a doctor.. The pharmacist didn't take a moment to ask if I had any questions or make sure I understood the titration schedule. If it wasn't for going on Rebif before I wouldn't even know what the fuck titration is... I have been going to this pharmacist for a few months, and I was a little bothered that they didn't attempt to go over this with me. I will probably find another pharmacist, a few months back when I started Marinol I was walking out the door when I noticed they had given me the wrong mg. They gave me 2.5mg and I was prescribed 5mg. Glad I caught that..but that is not my job.
Anyways. Took Zanaflex last night before bed and slept through the night without waking up. I still had a slight buzz from the pot but I think the Zanaflex went right to work.
I will be cautious with Zanaflex, it seems people get addicted to this stuff. I have never had an addiction (except for maybe cigarettes) and I don't want to start now..
I finally got some pot yesterday for the first time in over a month so that was nice. I always used it for recreational use but then MS came around and it turned into a need for it. My body reacts very well to it, I have little to no spasms when I smoke.
I was taking Marinol (synthetic THC) for a few months. It worked out great for 2 1/2 months but I started growing a tolerance for it, so I stopped taking it so I can start back up in a month or so.
Its ridiculous how much trouble it is to get (pot) if you don't know the right people. I moved to this town less than 2 years ago and I still miss my old dude. I used to be able to call him up any time and meet him that evening. Never got ripped off, no bullshit. I was getting my stuff from him through a family member in my teens, so I have been getting pot from him for close to 16 years. Last couple times I have made a trip to that town I have been able to call him up a day before getting there and I could always get how ever much I needed. Whereas in this town, I was getting stuff from a guy but he turned out to big a fucking dick head. Bags started coming up light and prices went up. All of these coincided with his life getting shitty. Last time I saw him to get some I was bitching about the weights and prices.. went home to weigh my shit, there was some fucking rubber bands in it balled up to help it make weight. What a fucking dick. And he is a bigger dick because we became "friends" over a year or so and he knew about the MS. I hope to see him in a store where he is working so I can loudly tell him what kind of fucking asshole he is.
Alright enough bitching about him, I have my own shit to worry about. So it's nice to have some smoke again. I just have to keep my "gf" from smoking it all, she doesn't know what no means. I'm going to stop there, and save that for another post.
Doctor started me on Zanaflex (Tizanidine) to deal with the constant spasms.
Flexeril, Baclofen and others were just not cutting it. I took my first Zanaflex last night. Woke up a little sore but that could be a number of things. Stretched this morning to help alleviate that. The PA called me the other day to see if I wanted to try that and had quickly mentioned that I would be taking it at night but I didnt get all of the details. The paper I got with the meds had the following line:
"Start with one po qhs for 1 wk, then 2 po qhs for 1 wk, then may slowly increase by one pill as tolerated to 1-2 po tid."
What the fuck is po/qhs/tid?? I had to look it up to find its saying take it orally before bed and that I could increase to three times a day... Why didn't you fucking say so? I'm not a doctor.. The pharmacist didn't take a moment to ask if I had any questions or make sure I understood the titration schedule. If it wasn't for going on Rebif before I wouldn't even know what the fuck titration is... I have been going to this pharmacist for a few months, and I was a little bothered that they didn't attempt to go over this with me. I will probably find another pharmacist, a few months back when I started Marinol I was walking out the door when I noticed they had given me the wrong mg. They gave me 2.5mg and I was prescribed 5mg. Glad I caught that..but that is not my job.
Anyways. Took Zanaflex last night before bed and slept through the night without waking up. I still had a slight buzz from the pot but I think the Zanaflex went right to work.
I will be cautious with Zanaflex, it seems people get addicted to this stuff. I have never had an addiction (except for maybe cigarettes) and I don't want to start now..
I finally got some pot yesterday for the first time in over a month so that was nice. I always used it for recreational use but then MS came around and it turned into a need for it. My body reacts very well to it, I have little to no spasms when I smoke.
I was taking Marinol (synthetic THC) for a few months. It worked out great for 2 1/2 months but I started growing a tolerance for it, so I stopped taking it so I can start back up in a month or so.
Its ridiculous how much trouble it is to get (pot) if you don't know the right people. I moved to this town less than 2 years ago and I still miss my old dude. I used to be able to call him up any time and meet him that evening. Never got ripped off, no bullshit. I was getting my stuff from him through a family member in my teens, so I have been getting pot from him for close to 16 years. Last couple times I have made a trip to that town I have been able to call him up a day before getting there and I could always get how ever much I needed. Whereas in this town, I was getting stuff from a guy but he turned out to big a fucking dick head. Bags started coming up light and prices went up. All of these coincided with his life getting shitty. Last time I saw him to get some I was bitching about the weights and prices.. went home to weigh my shit, there was some fucking rubber bands in it balled up to help it make weight. What a fucking dick. And he is a bigger dick because we became "friends" over a year or so and he knew about the MS. I hope to see him in a store where he is working so I can loudly tell him what kind of fucking asshole he is.
Alright enough bitching about him, I have my own shit to worry about. So it's nice to have some smoke again. I just have to keep my "gf" from smoking it all, she doesn't know what no means. I'm going to stop there, and save that for another post.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Looking into the future...
I go to a monthly MS meeting and I seem to leave there feeling lower than I did before I went. I am the youngest member in that meeting by 15-20 years. Most of them are in wheelchairs or use walkers/canes. I feel for these people. They are positive people but you know.. I just see past it. How happy are they really? There are a few people genuinely happy, you can see it in their face, or the way they talk. Majority of them are just waiting for their number to get called, much like I am. They have the same facade that I do. Some of the husbands/caretakers almost seem worst than the person with MS. It really takes a toll on them.
There is probably 5 minutes of useful information out of these meetings. Most of the information I either already know of thanks to the internet or they are getting it from me because I am the only one that uses Gilenya.
I have attended these meetings for the last several months. I am considering not going to these any more. I feel my moral is lowered after attending. I know where I am heading and I don't need reminders. This may be misinterpreted as being insensitive or some other shit but I am only being honest with myself and how I feel.
I understand that for some people they really need these meetings and look forward to them. I however do not. I think I go because I don't currently know anyone (in real life) with MS other than these people and you cannot help but feel some sort of connection with them, but I am questioning if I really need that connection. I might skip the next one to find out if there is a void there.
Some shit happened at the meeting that I wont even disclose my thoughts here, something I need to keep to myself, this blog could really get out of hand. It involved disabled persons and interpretive dancing. I will leave it at that..
Woke up around 4:30am and couldn't go back to sleep last night. I was uncomfortable and my mind had started to run wild. I kept going back to the 10 year relationship I kind of feel stuck in. I don't feel like I love her, she acts like she loves me. I haven't kissed her in about 8 months since I found out about her cheating. I still fuck her but won't kiss her. She is pretty much treated like a prostitute in a way. I brought this up a month or so ago, and she says "who cares?" and that "kissing is not that big of a deal". Its is not that big of a deal but it's a part of affection I have not felt in a very long time now. I could kiss her if I wanted to, but I don't. I wanna kiss someone and actually feel something from it, and for that person... Something has to give. She knows I am not in love with her, I have made that clear, but she insists on trying to work it out. If I didn't have the double vision problem and lived 12+ hours from any one I know when I found out about her earlier this year, she would have been long gone. I was convinced to let her stay after my eyes were better to try and work it out. She is the only person I have let walk all over me. Maybe I just like bj's too much. I don't know.
I will have to seriously re-evaluate my life and this relationship when the spring rolls around. I need to figure if I want to stay with this girl, or in this town. I'm feeling a big NO on both at this very second.
Again another boo hoo woe is me post, but that's what these bull shit anonymous blogs are for right? Not for you, but for me to type it out so it's not swimming in my head at 4:30am.
There is probably 5 minutes of useful information out of these meetings. Most of the information I either already know of thanks to the internet or they are getting it from me because I am the only one that uses Gilenya.
I have attended these meetings for the last several months. I am considering not going to these any more. I feel my moral is lowered after attending. I know where I am heading and I don't need reminders. This may be misinterpreted as being insensitive or some other shit but I am only being honest with myself and how I feel.
I understand that for some people they really need these meetings and look forward to them. I however do not. I think I go because I don't currently know anyone (in real life) with MS other than these people and you cannot help but feel some sort of connection with them, but I am questioning if I really need that connection. I might skip the next one to find out if there is a void there.
Some shit happened at the meeting that I wont even disclose my thoughts here, something I need to keep to myself, this blog could really get out of hand. It involved disabled persons and interpretive dancing. I will leave it at that..
Woke up around 4:30am and couldn't go back to sleep last night. I was uncomfortable and my mind had started to run wild. I kept going back to the 10 year relationship I kind of feel stuck in. I don't feel like I love her, she acts like she loves me. I haven't kissed her in about 8 months since I found out about her cheating. I still fuck her but won't kiss her. She is pretty much treated like a prostitute in a way. I brought this up a month or so ago, and she says "who cares?" and that "kissing is not that big of a deal". Its is not that big of a deal but it's a part of affection I have not felt in a very long time now. I could kiss her if I wanted to, but I don't. I wanna kiss someone and actually feel something from it, and for that person... Something has to give. She knows I am not in love with her, I have made that clear, but she insists on trying to work it out. If I didn't have the double vision problem and lived 12+ hours from any one I know when I found out about her earlier this year, she would have been long gone. I was convinced to let her stay after my eyes were better to try and work it out. She is the only person I have let walk all over me. Maybe I just like bj's too much. I don't know.
I will have to seriously re-evaluate my life and this relationship when the spring rolls around. I need to figure if I want to stay with this girl, or in this town. I'm feeling a big NO on both at this very second.
Again another boo hoo woe is me post, but that's what these bull shit anonymous blogs are for right? Not for you, but for me to type it out so it's not swimming in my head at 4:30am.
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