Monday, March 19, 2012

Update 3/19

I will always remember the quote, but not who its from...
"Some days you're the pigeon, and other days you're the statue."
For me its more like "Some people are pigeons and others are statues"
I am a statue. That's not very deep, but I remember the quote at times, and find myself twisting it to fit my shit.

My problem was is waking with left foot problems. I don't know if it is MS related or not. I cannot turn my ankle or put weight on it. Woke up one day more than a week ago and fell trying to stand on it. The day/night before I did not jump, twist, run, nothing. I cannot tell if it is swollen. The ankle, specifically the Achilles tendon are tender to the touch. The slightest movement aside from a flat foot stance is extremely painful.
After about 4 days it cleared up, felt much better. I was thinking I had just a random bullshit problem and week.
Then I woke up again with the same problem. What in the fuck.
Since it is random, cannot explain why its happened and what the problem is exactly, I am left to wonder if it's MS fucking with me.

The insignificant thing recently is my fridge died. It was nice enough to die after filling it up, and the freezer was full of meat that was just ground up. Since I had just been shopping and was eating all fresh stuff, the freezer got warm for a day or two before it was even noticed. Took a couple days before I could get it replaced. Lost nearly everything but the vegetables.
Anyways, not a huge deal, that's fucking life for ya, just being a dick.

Started various vegetables and cannabis seeds for the garden this year.  I guess that's the only positive I have, although I am aware it only means more work and another thing to stress about later. Wish I could just enjoy the process from seed to harvest but my head won't allow it... I always turn it into a question of "What the fuck is going to go wrong now?"
Life has become when, not if.
"What you have just heard was not fiction, although in many of desperate moment I most certainly wish it had been. It's over for now it seems, or at least until yesterday begins again tomorrow"

1 comment:

  1. How is you foot now? Have you been to the doctor? And maybe more important, have you seen your psychiatrist lately? I hope you talk to her!
    Good to hear about the seeds. I also did that a couple of times.

    It seemed like you wanted to take a break from the world for a while. Are you back again now? Talking to you family, friends, going to MS-meeting. Walking the dogs is probable not so easy for you now? And is your relationship with your girlfriend still making you feel bad about everything. I wish there was something I could do. Or at lest talk with you. Make you see the good things in life. It isn`t all bad, even though it feels that way to you right now.....I promise, there are good things too! I care about you. A lot.
    Your friend