Thursday, October 27, 2011

Quick timeline of my MS bullshit

Started with little weird things like spasms and numbness. I really didn't think of anything at the time.

When I was preparing to move to another state from the town I grew up in I was under alot of stress. The getting ready to move and at the time I didn't know if I was going to get to keep my job in the new state by working from home. I developed this thing in my foot, it felt like a golf ball was in my shoe. I couldn't feel it with my hand by pressing on it, I could only feel it when I walked. But I was in the process of moving so I didn't have time for that shit. So I pressed on. The move was very hard with the foot problem that had me limping along, but we got it done. After the move within a couple weeks the thing in my foot started going away, so I thought nothing of it.

After 6 months of living in this new state I find out my girlfriend of 10 years (who I planned to propose to) is running around with some dick head she worked with. After months of lies and more lies I find out shes actually fucking this loser. During this whole time my eyes started bothering me and gradually within a month period I had double vision.
Went to an eye doctor (ophthalmologist) who diagnosed it as Superior Oblique Palsy of the 4th nerve. One visit she said it was my right eye, the next visit she said it was my left. She ordered an MRI.
Are you fucking kidding me? You tell someone that's 20-something some life changing shit like that over the fucking phone??
At that time I didn't know anything about MS other than the people I have known who knew or related to someone with MS was a fucking cripple. 
I couldn't even be consoled by the cheating girl that was still living with me (because I couldn't fucking see). I didn't want her to care for me. I was still so fucked up by that situation I didn't want her to touch me. All of my family lives 15 hours away. I was completely alone with this shit.

Ugh... so anyways, the double vision cleared up for the most part after about 5 months or so. I still have double vision it seems at night. I cannot see one set of stars or one moon. I would give anything to see right at night.
I also cannot look at any extreme corner of my peripheral vision or it goes double.

I did not have insurance during this time. I had been relatively healthy and had not been to a doctor in close to 10 years. But I eventually got a state ran high risk pool insurance. All of the initial doctor visits and MRI's were all out of pocket.

I started Rebif after about 2 months of the first MRI, and 3 months later started Gilenya. I have had an additional MRI that shows lesions in my spine so I may be looking at future disabilities. 

So there it is, I couldn't make this shit up, and I certainly wouldn't tell it at some goddamn campfire.

That's only part of the story. Can you blame me for not being excited for tomorrow and whatever bullshit it brings?

1 comment:

  1. I received my call at work too....seriously!?! Who the fuck does that???! After the doctor said the words 'demylinating lesions' I had to ask "so they think it's MS?" (my sister has it too) (pause on her end...) then 'yes.' REALLY!? She thought it was a GOOD idea to say something like that over the phone-while I was work no doubt! In a sick way it's comforting to know I'm not the only one was HAD a moron PCP.