Friday, February 1, 2013

Breaking...

While I was driving to the MS dinner, there was a very loud pop sound, quickly looked around... my back window shattered... what in the fuck...
I thought 'Fuck it! I gotta go to his dinner', less than a minute later, I hit a bump and a quarter of it fell...massive rain storm outside so I have to return home... I commenced to cussing and turning the car around, less than a minute after that, another bump and the rest falls...

I really needed that dinner. I needed to meet my future neurologist and discuss my situation. I needed to ask a few fellow MS'ers about cannabis. I needed to be around my fucking counterparts for a couple fucking hours... I needed to be there...

Since I didn't make the meeting, I called my old neurologist to see what they could do. Other than asking for a doctor referral, I have tried to not involve them. He called me back, we discussed issues, and he wants me on 5 day taper of Solu-Medrol immediately. Because no one in the history of this country has ever traveled or gotten sick while traveling, my doctor is not authorized to order the steroids in another state... My future neurologist here is off today. Old doctor spoke with the on-call doctor here and he would not sign off on it until they saw me. He will however try to get me a sooner appointment, don't know yet how sooner. Could be days/weeks or that fuckface only shaves off two days... don't know. They said ER is my only immediate option. (even with insurance that started today, I cannot afford ER)

The gf is talking about leaving now. I think shit just got too real for her.
I wonder if she found this blog. She said things recently I know I have said about her only here. It could just be that she views the relationship exactly as I do, and as described here.


Tell me it could be worse. Tell me its going to be better. I want someone to look me in the fucking eyes and say that shit to my face.

16 comments:

  1. Nothing I could say will change anything...I don't even know where to begin. I'm sorry is really all I can say. I feel bad I just turned down iv roids...and you're practically begging for them...Jesus.


    Offer still stands, btw.
    I'm here anytime.
    thanks for checking in on me from time to time.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People are dying for the fresh water I have.

      It goes on.

      Delete
  2. Oh My Goood!!! Why don`t they just give you the medication you need!!? It makes me so angry too!!!

    Don`t worry about your gf reading your blogg. If change comes, it can`t be worse, can it?

    Lots Of Love
    K

    ReplyDelete
  3. I also wish I knew you in real life.
    But can`t you at least accept the offer of the other anonymous person writing here, trying to get to know you!! Please do it!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Btw. what is ER?
    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ER = Emergency Room
      ER visits are much more expensive, even with insurance..

      Delete
  5. Ok. But you should do something. Can your girlfriend get you some cannabis? And could you just go to the on-call doctor and stay there all day til he decides to see you! I don`t know.....
    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girlfriend is still searching for a job (car accident delayed that), so she doesn't have any more access to people than I do.

      I considered going to the dr office and sitting there, but I cannot afford to take off work and I know how uncomfortable it would be to sit in a dr office potentially all day. Its shitty just a for a couple scheduled hours.

      Delete
  6. This may not be possible but do you have a friend in the old state that you could get to pick up the steroids, if your previous neurologist prescribes them. He is still prescribing in his own state. you could have been back visiting. Terrible you have to have this battle. ..
    P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Solu-Medrol is administered by IV. You have to go to hospital or infusion center to get it and cannot be administered at home.
      I could ask for Prednisone, an oral steroid, and that could be picked up at local pharmacy but I am worse than I have been yet, and I have insurance, so I have opted for IV.

      I could go to that state right now and start the IV, but I cannot afford the travel, both cost and physically.

      Delete
  7. Would you not consider anyone paying it, give you a loan or something? It couldn`t hurt!
    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Other than a car loan or mortgage, I have never borrowed money in my life and don't plan to start now.

      My ability to work is hanging by a thread. I cannot in good conscience take a loan that I may not be able to pay back.

      Delete
  8. Thinking of you!
    Love
    K

    ReplyDelete
  9. May I ask why IV, I have just recently come off a 5 day course of Oral Methyl Prednisolone after struggling for weeks. When I had reached the point where I was dragging my right foot and having to lift my right leg from the knee to get into a car my Neuro Nurse conceded and admitted it was an acute relapse and prescribed oral steroids. After two days of taking them, I noticed the difference.I don't need my stick so soon now.
    Hope you don't mind the input, I found this blog when I searched for Hemorrhoids and MS, have read every post since which is why I would like to say this, MS is enough to deal with without being in an unhealthy relationship..
    P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have done Prednisone about five different times in the two years. I was willing to do an IV of Solu-Medrol because the chances of recovery are supposed to be greater, and my body was not reacting to Prednisone well. Recovery was slower and less each time.

      Thank you for reading and the input is welcome any time.

      Delete