Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Update 3/7

There is a large tree in the back yard that is usually late to bloom, and is ugly in the fall. Green leaves turn brown over night and just fall. Woodpeckers have been working on this tree for many years, as there are lines of dots all over it.
Recently I watched a small woodpecker work on the tree, and occasionally some small birds would fly into the tree. He would stop what he was doing to chase them off, and when all birds were gone, he would go back to work.

I think I have been keeping people out of my tree lately. Friends and family have called, and I have either not answered or have not called them back.
I have not been to psychologist in a month now, and canceled scheduled routine doctor appointments as I find them to be a waste of time and money. I continue time at dog shelter when I feel up to it.
I can't really say I am back to not wanting to be around anyone, since I never wanted to in the first place. I went on a tear reaching out to old friends, going to a "church", seeing doctors more, ms meetings, etc.. Its tiring shit, and feels like a waste of time. None of it added anything to my day or life. I truly felt no better trying to add people in my life. I did/do it because that is what I was told is "normal" and "healthy minded".

I haven't felt a desire to write anything.
This blog is my own personal record and diary, and I have nothing to add to it.
This post is mainly to plug in something for this span of time.

If I don't write, then I have nothing to update. I have auto-pilot on right now.


"What you have just heard was not fiction, although in many of desperate moment I most certainly wish it had been. It's over for now it seems, or at least until yesterday begins again tomorrow"

20 comments:

  1. I have been thinking of you. I guess it's normal to be tired of trying to do normal things. And you have done so many things, And Asle written about them, and reflecting upon it all. Sometimes people should stop do things And just be. Sorry, this iPad can't write. I Will rather come back to you later. K

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don`want to be too emotional or anything, but I want to let you know that I carry you around in my heart.
    Your friend
    K

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking of you today!
    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Og i dag.....

      Delete
    2. und heute...:)

      Delete
    3. I don`t know more any languages now.....
      Hope you are all right!

      Delete
    4. No, I forgot one...
      आज

      Delete
  4. Hope to see you back soon! X

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thinking of you.
    Best. Kelly

    ReplyDelete
  6. My heart goes out to you!
    K

    ReplyDelete
  7. Trying to write om the iPad again. Don't know if i can manage, but wanted to say something. Do you know What i really, really admire about you? So Much that i have been wondering if you are a real person or just making everything up.....the way you have been taking care of Your situation And trying to change it. I know depression is very devastating, And then you have all the physical problemstilling. Still you are trying Your best, doing so many things. It shows you are a strong person. And that is a reason i admire you, And onde of the reasons i like you so Much. I hope you are a real person:) K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, I am real. Wish I wasn't at times. I have desperate moments where I beg to wake up.

      Delete
    2. I am glad you are real, although I wish your life was different. Very different. Thanks for writing again!
      Lots of love
      K

      Delete
  8. You should check out the new on-line chat thing that the national multiple society launched this week -- msconnection.org It is perfect for you -- chance to reach out and connect but stay put at the same time. People are REALLY taking advantage of it. CONNECTION!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw that site go up. Looks like it could become a nice resource for people.
      Thank you.

      Delete
  9. I know you don`t want to write, but I wish you could just say "hello" or something.
    Thinking about you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello.

      I plan on getting a post up today or sometime this week.

      Delete