Well I am fucked up right now. I may regret even getting on here in the morning. This equals a drunk phone call to a friend late at night...
I am not a drinker, the last drink I had was on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th), and I only had one. Before that, I can honestly not remember.
My girlfriend called on her way home and asked if I needed anything and I told her a pint of whiskey. She brought that home along with some fried chicken. Haven't had fried chicken dinner in a long time.
Anyways, after dinner I slammed that pint. I mean it was gone within and hour or so, got good and fucked up.
I did it for three reasons, 1. Just like standing in the rain, I wanted to feel something different for a moment. 2. I wanted to remind myself how much I do not like drinking and to get this one out of the way. Sort of a reminder that turning to booze would never be an answer for me. 3. Taxes
I got double vision drunk, and was instantly reminded and really placed back into early 2011 when I had optic neuritis. I did not like that feeling.
I was doing fine until I smoked some pot, that will take you somewhere else. I actually think pot gets a bad rap because people smoke it after drinking, and get really fucked up and do something really fucking stupid.
You should not mix the two. Get drunk, or get stoned, not both.
Didn't take long after smoking the chicken and liquor was churning and needed to go.
I guess at the time of writing this I am still feeling right but I have since puked up most of my chicken and liquor, so I feel like I have it together. I think I am keeping up with my punctuation and grammar here. I am however smoking more. I laid in bed for about 30 minutes and decided I wanted to smoke a cigarette, and put a post up. See how I could articulate things in this state of mind.
I have been trying to set some goals lately. Plan a next step so I have some kind of direction.
I've been looking into cabins for rent in various decriminalized states. I want to downsize. I am in a three bedroom that's too big. This house got bigger when my dog died. The acreage and house feel like a waste right now. I put away a hand towel that says "a home without a dog is just a house". It was one of the last in drawer. We both avoided using it, so I just put it in her box.
I have a fantasy in mind of living in a Yurt. It would certainly be a downsize, but a way to return to the simpler person I used to be. I didn't need things. Didn't get a tv and cable until the last 7 years, and that was the girlfriend begging for it. I rarely watch tv as it is. Watch a few dark/dry humor shows and the occasional movie.
Watched Rum Diary and The Big Year. Rum Diary was not as good as I hoped but I parts of it enough to not stop.
The Big Year was a surprise. I only watched it because of Steve Martin and John Cleese (in my opinion, Jack Black, and Owen Wilson are the same character in every single one of their own movies, AND they are not the only actors like that). It opened with "This is a true story. Only the facts have been changed" It was about people who are "Birders". They seek all species of birds. Three varying characters have their adventure to have "The Big Year", meaning finding a record breaking amount of different birds. It was presented like a nature film on man and his quest for these birds. (Cleese narrates)
Birding, to each their own.
Feeling pretty good right now. Good night/day.
"What you have just heard was not fiction, although in many of desperate moment I most certainly wish it had been. It's over for now it seems, or at least until yesterday begins again tomorrow"