First post.. Blog cherry popped.

Here we go, first post.
I want to write this shit without going back and thinking about it too much. I could drive myself nuts concerned with how it sounds when you read this but I am just going to put it down with little to no edits. I want to look at this down the road and see how I was in the first year.
I can be an asshole, I know this. I can be way too cynical, I also know this. I know I am depressed at times but I am sane enough to know I am not bat shit crazy. 
Very unhappy with the way life has turned out. Certainly not what I had envisioned when I was younger, but I imagine that happens to most people. It's not by lack of work or motivation. There are just things that you cannot control. I don't give a shit what someone says or what bullshit quote they spit out about life, there are simply some shit you cannot control.
There is not a god damn thing I could have done to avoid MS. (in 20-30 years that statement might be untrue, but in 2011 it is.)

I want to knock someone the fuck out when I am told one of these two things:
1. "Some people have it worse" 
Yeah, well no shit, but I am not those people, oh and go fuck yourself.
I have to deal with my own fucking problems. And my own problems in my very own life really are bigger than theirs TO ME. I have spent way too much time of my life worrying about other people that I let symptoms of MS go ignored for almost 2 years. I will worry about my own shit and if I have the time or patience I will tend to others. If you think this is selfish, then fine, fuck off and worry about other fucking people meanwhile your life will go to shit. Just watch and see.

2. "I know [insert unlucky bastard's name here] who have MS and are perfectly fine."
Thanks for the fucked up way of telling me cheer up.
MS is an individual disease. It is different for everyone. I can go to a MS Meeting and see people in wheel chairs, but since I'm not in one currently I am not going to fucking feel better about my situation. That's looking into the fucking future. May not be tomorrow, 5 years, or 10 years down the road, but it's going to happen. If someone knows someone that has MS and is doing fine, they either are doing good for the time being, or they are a fucking liar like I am. I will tell any and all family/friends that I am doing great, because I don't want them to worry about me.

There we have it. Having a blog is something I have said I have never done, and didn't think I would ever do.
I will try to keep this blog up to date if I feel like it with different bullshit. I hope none of my family of friends come across this and figure out it is me.